Friday, May 15, 2009

No Thank You: Comics We Will Never Read, Week of 05/20/2009

We here at SeeBelow* are devoted readers of all kinds of comics: good, bad, and really quite unbelievably bad. But there isn't enough time for us to read everything, and to be honest, there's a lot of stuff issued each and every week that we wouldn't touch even if we were stuck in a doctor's waiting room for all eternity. So every Friday, we'll check in on Comics We Will Never Read.

“The Greatest American Hero” Mini-Series (Catastrophic/Arcana Studio), $3.50

The incompetent superhero series you mildly tolerated as a child is back, in shabbily drawn comic book form! Special bonus pathos: it’s written by GAH actor William Katt, who has plenty of time on his hands these days.

Robert Jordan’s “Wheel of Time”: Eye of the World #0 [Previews Exclusive Cover] (Dabel Brothers Productions), $3.99
At last count, Robert Jordan’s turgid “Wheel of Time” series of fantasy novels stands at 827 volumes, to be expanded before completion depending on how well the current installment sells. So why not spend even more money on a comic book adaptation which, given the current pace, will be finished sometime around the year 3014? Special bonus variant cover version so they can charge more money!

Final Crisis Aftermath: Dance #1 (DC), $2.99

Okay, with Joe Casey at the helm, there is a slight chance this might be readable (though, with Chriss Cross doing the art, there is a much less slight chance it will suck), but seriously, how many fucking Final Crisis spin-offs are there going to be? I mean, is DC fandom really dying to find out what Japan’s “Super Young Team” are doing après-Crisis?

The Boys: Herogasm #1 [Virgin Variant Cover] (Dynamite Entertainment), $2.99

Garth Ennis brings us more superheroes having loveless, abusive sex. There’s not a single appealing word in that title other than “The”.

Let’s Find Pokémon Crystal! Softcover (Viz Media), $11.99

Let’s not and say we did.

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